http://engy.us/users/modulusx/chuck.gif

Just keep refreshing the page.

awesome.

LOL


.......good shit

Hahahaha, this owns.

So funny

LMAO

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer.
Too bad hes never cried

You won't be laughing when the dwarf pally hero class is chuck norris. I'm going to roundhouse satan in the face.

"Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack."

Haha, this stuff is hilarious.

LOL did anyone get the one about Oregan Trail?!?!1

hahaahha wtf!

Ya haha. There are so many, just gotta cycle through them all which takes a while.

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

6. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

8. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

9. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

10. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

12. Chuck Norris won ‘Jumanji’ without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

13. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

14. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

15. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

16. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

17. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

18. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

19. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

20. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

21. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

22. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

23. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

24. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

26. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

27. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

28. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

29. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

30. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

With all those reasons you for got the most important reason why Chick Norris kicks ass.... because he is chuck norris, nuff said.

Who's Chuck Norris?

:P

its 130am and the g/f is asleep

im eating apple jacks

i had to stop reading halfway through because:

i laughed so loud she yelled at me
i spit milk all over my computer
i choked on apple jacks.


that is all

Ouch, the old milk on the keyboard and apple jacks stuck in your throat again eh? Shitty deal...but yeah I laughed my ass off the first time I read it too

Oabe and I finally agree on something again. Chuck Norris kicks ass.

He is the man everyone aspires to be.

He sings in the band Nickleback. Oh wait ... wrong guy.

hey mirandex thanks for stealing my thread you useless thief.

Is he a scammer and a thief? If so I may be in love.

no Mirandex just sucks at life, I however am a lootwhore a ninja and a thief.

/sign

You fogot some of the funny ones idiot, Chuck Norris would not stand for this blasphemy!

qfe

LMAO

this shit had my dying

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

When Chuck Norris donates blood, he just asks for a gun and a bucket.

Welcome to 2 weeks ago

Lmao, good stuff :lol:

who would have thought? I mean seriously? Something is definitely WRONG with this!

http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...d2=chuck+norris

owned!

Its a plot to lure Mr. Woods out into the open so Mr. Norris can exact his vengeance. James Woods' ego rises, he feels superior, and then BAM! Chuck Norris roundhouse kick of death to the throat severing Woods' head.

Chuck Norris has this all planned out.......



Soon he will begin his decent into hell, on the way down many roundhouses will fell his opponnets. While in hell Norris will conquer all the demons becoming immortal, he then will have a meeting with all the Highlanders. In this meeting Norris will learn to use a sword with any part of his body. After achieving this he will return to earth and kill James Wood by chopping off his head. Then and only then will he rule all that is Immortal. Just give him some time.......

also true...and btw Highlander was a documentary and the events happened in real time.

James Woods gave Chuck Norris a beatdown?

Not surprising after you've seen this documentary:

Chuck Norris Asks: Do you really want to hurt me?

Namishin Vs Chuck Norris
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...d2=chuck+norris

Chron Vs Chuck Norris
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...d2=chuck+norris

owned.

it's proof now that even chron transcends godhood.

"IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
~ Chuck Norris

but in his head hes probably thinking...

DAM I PWN U NOOBS!!!

all bow down to chuck norris.

His PR people made him write that because he made to many skulls explode with round houses and they dont want him to get a bad reputation.

the real chuck would just roundhouse the PR guys too. don't fuck with chuck.

Yeah read this and was like HOLY SHIT LIGHTYEARS IS CHUCK NORRIS GOD DAMN THAT'S AWESOME... then i saw the notation at the bottom god damn that would be cool if Chuck Norris was in THC.

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris...hucknorris.html

You've got to be kidding me. I need that action figure!

i really dont want to know what you need it for.

To keep burglers out of my house. Once they see the action figure, they'll probably run and jump off my balcony.

i want that take-along set SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD

the actual post: http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

Walker Texas Ranger is on at 8pm every weeknight on the Hallmark channel! Its damn good television if you ask me.